Imagine swapping places with your partner right now. How ‘good’ is your betrayal making her feel? Numb? Empty? Sick? Is her body aching?
Just ask yourself. How would you feel if someone ripped your heart out?
If you have an ounce of empathy in your body, it is often easier to stop cheating because you acknowledge the full extent of the hurt and damage that your adultery is causing to your loved ones.
Analyzing what you risk losing, by continuing to cheat, may lead to a sudden epiphany that you must stop cheating. The fall out from your cheating may extend a lot further than you first imagine. Aside from your partner, relationship, children, family and friends, financial consequences inevitably arise from any break-up.
Do you really want to lose the family home that holds so many memories? Are you honestly prepared to trade in your car for an older, cheaper model? Can you forgo your gym membership etc? What about your health? Do you want to catch an STD? Are you happy to father an illegitimate child?
Then there’s the damage to your professional integrity. If you’re having an affair with a work colleague then there is also the potential to lose your job.
How about your reputation in the community. How do you feel about tarnishing that? Neighbours and acquaintances judging you and shunning you in the street?
Is your affair worth all this?
Do you really want to be the guy who threw it all away?
Step 5 – Avoid Temptation
You must have absolutely no contact with your ex lover. Change your phone number, email address and block her on social media sites if you have to.
However, if you cheated with a work colleague, and many do, then clearly this could be something of an impossibility. If this is the case, then you need to keep any contact to an absolute minimum.
In this situation, you should actively pursue alternative employment. Not only will this demonstrate to your partner that you are serious about changing, it will also be a relief to her every time you leave for work in the morning.
If you are having trouble finding another job, then investigate the possibility of transferring to another office, department or building.
Of course, temptation is all around us. Step back from flirting with members of the opposite sex. This is what got you in to trouble in the first place remember!
Drink in moderation. Alcohol reduces sexual inhibition so be on your guard at functions when your partner is not present.
Limit the number of times you attend social events, without your partner being present.
Step 6 – Arrange To See A Relationship / Marriage Counselor
A professional counselor will provide you with impartial advice and strategies that can help improve your relationship in the long term. You will not be judged. Seeing a counselor may also help increase your awareness as to why you strayed in the first place. As has already been identified in Step 2, uncovering this detail is essential in order to help you stop cheating again in the future.
You do not need to take your partner with you to your counseling sessions. Indeed, if you want to stop cheating then it is probably better if your initial sessions are entirely undertaken on a one-to-one basis.
Later in the counseling process, however, it would be beneficial for you and your partner to attend the counseling sessions together. Infidelity is a sign of underlying problems in the relationship and that is something that you will both need to address.
Step 7 – Don’t Expect It To Be Easy
If you formed an emotional attachment to your lover, then you may be finding it extremely difficult and painful, not to cheat with her again. Even if there is no physical intimacy between the two of you anymore, you may still remain unfaithful, albeit unconsciously, by virtue of your thoughts. It is human nature to grieve the loss of a relationship, even an adulterous one.
“30 Day No Contact Rule” provides some invaluable advice if you are struggling to get over your lover.
However, please bear in mind that in your case, you are not seeking a reconciliation, but a permanent split. Remember that this is a life changing decision and not a race. It takes time to heal and ultimately to change your life for the better.